Week 37 Pregnancy Notes

I have not been blogging about this pregnancy just because I was so nervous about what had happened to Noël. I found the journal I had started with her and even the pages from my journaling bible that I had spent time reading to her.

I also realized that I do not talk to this little boy as much as I did with Noël.

My thoughts for tonight, however, are more drawn towards how weary I have been feeling with everyone's demands. I feel as if I am not even sure what I want or what to expect and yet so many people have voiced out their excitement and expectations and plans to me. I realized this boy is not simply mine, but I so long for intimate time with just him and I, and Nash, of course.

I don't want to have to cater or entertain and miss out on precious moments with my son. I want to experience labor and delivery in the solemnity that it is.

However, more importantly, I want to honor my God. If that means humbling myself and giving in to "life's demands" over my own desires, then so be it. I just hope that in the next 4 weeks, I will be able to discern what exactly that looks like and surrender my heart to His will.

"Teach me to do your will, for you are my God! Let your good spirit lead me on level ground." --Psalm 143:10

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